“Zindagi badi kutti cheez hoti hai”
- Unknown
I dunno which movie is this statement from but I guess its just as true as the words itself. The bluntness and conviction with which the protagonist speaks these lines gets etched in your subversive mind. Well it surely doesn’t happen due to the actor but yes it got into mine due to the sheer applicability of this fact “life IS a bitch”.
Sometimes I just feel that despite all that you have been through in life, with all the ups and downs that have been witnessed and some of the biggest F ups… Life still comes back and this time comes back even more strongly to screw the happiness. Just when you think that things cannot get any worse and its an uphill, roller coaster ride to the acme of happiness… You find yourself nose diving into the deepest abyss of the unceremonial unhappiness…
Then you sit and analyze, where did I go wrong and then put some more pressure which doesn’t add any relief to the sullen mood and in the end when none seems to work you just end up cursing God. I do it too and do it quite very often too. Infact I am doing it right now and some of my curses start with “One day when I am up there with You, I will make You pay for all this…” and then I come back to the stark realities of the daily life.
The swearing doesn’t help but for the moment of desperation when everything you ever wanted to say and do, you do to show someone…
I guess am too screwed up in my mind and just too overwhelmed with the thought that surrounds me but the fact still remains and that is with all my so called wisdom and experiences that I have gained, with all my education and the games that I have played, with all the competitions that I have survived and all the mouths I have made shut… I still do believe that “Zindagi badi hi Bitch hai”…
Friday, November 6, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
The REAL Hangover!!
Woke up and looked at my watch… the F#$@%&* thing read 5 and by no logic sent from up above, could I decipher what was I doing at that time of the morning lying in a horizontal position on a cushiony bench that too in a small enclosed room…
I literally had no idea how the hell had I landed there but the throbbing headache with the sweet smell of hangover told me that something wasn’t well… and heck NO, IT WASN’T!!!
Stood on my faithful legs and looked around to get my bearings right… God only knows what can 3 big vodkas, 2 white rums and 13 red and green coloured vodka + tequila shots can do to your senses!!! But then there I was getting my bearings aligned, trying to get a hold of self and the surroundings…
My already loose jeans seemed a lil loose as such especially when I put my hands into the pockets… and lo behold… All the buttons were open!!! Nothing ever can explain my condition especially when u wake up with a hangover and not remembering a thing about the last night… instinctively I looked around and on the ground, half expecting to see someone from the opposite sex (or worse still of the same sex!! [would make it clear here, that whatever people may think here, let me tell all and sundry that I AM STRAIGHT]) lying on the floor or somewhere around… and to my heart’s content there was none…
Else who knows, like the movie Masoom, some one may just come knocking on the door some day… phew!!!
Anyways, with the headache and still drowsy I managed to walk out… only to find myself in the midst of all packing being done in the hall… no signs of any xler there or any other with whom I can have any remote connection… grabbed a bottle of water while making my way out to look for a loo and as my luck would have it, %*^$#@ all of them were locked!!!
Anyways made use of the flower pot nearby under the shade of that huge banyan tree and when I think about it now, infact it was a totally different experience peeing in a pot at 5 in the morning, standing under that banyan tree, still drowsy with all that daaru and left side of face smeared with some pasta toppings…
Woke up a taxi driver sleeping in the car as carefree as I had been some minutes back oblivious to the world around… had to literally kick him to wake him up when he woke up with a yelping squeal… shook the drowsiness out of me nonetheless…
The ride of 1 hour took only 30 mins that morning and the look on the security men in my building was worth noticing… buggers looked shocked to death, seeing me walking in at 5 something in the morning… still drowsy with sleep and the daaru that had been the harbinger of the night…
Lazily, I crept into the bed, still wondering WTF must have happened the night before… but somehow that too was short lived as the daaru and drowsiness made head way into all that was going in my head, giving some more delectable respite from all that rut…
P.S.: next part to continue...
I literally had no idea how the hell had I landed there but the throbbing headache with the sweet smell of hangover told me that something wasn’t well… and heck NO, IT WASN’T!!!
Stood on my faithful legs and looked around to get my bearings right… God only knows what can 3 big vodkas, 2 white rums and 13 red and green coloured vodka + tequila shots can do to your senses!!! But then there I was getting my bearings aligned, trying to get a hold of self and the surroundings…
My already loose jeans seemed a lil loose as such especially when I put my hands into the pockets… and lo behold… All the buttons were open!!! Nothing ever can explain my condition especially when u wake up with a hangover and not remembering a thing about the last night… instinctively I looked around and on the ground, half expecting to see someone from the opposite sex (or worse still of the same sex!! [would make it clear here, that whatever people may think here, let me tell all and sundry that I AM STRAIGHT]) lying on the floor or somewhere around… and to my heart’s content there was none…
Else who knows, like the movie Masoom, some one may just come knocking on the door some day… phew!!!
Anyways, with the headache and still drowsy I managed to walk out… only to find myself in the midst of all packing being done in the hall… no signs of any xler there or any other with whom I can have any remote connection… grabbed a bottle of water while making my way out to look for a loo and as my luck would have it, %*^$#@ all of them were locked!!!
Anyways made use of the flower pot nearby under the shade of that huge banyan tree and when I think about it now, infact it was a totally different experience peeing in a pot at 5 in the morning, standing under that banyan tree, still drowsy with all that daaru and left side of face smeared with some pasta toppings…
Woke up a taxi driver sleeping in the car as carefree as I had been some minutes back oblivious to the world around… had to literally kick him to wake him up when he woke up with a yelping squeal… shook the drowsiness out of me nonetheless…
The ride of 1 hour took only 30 mins that morning and the look on the security men in my building was worth noticing… buggers looked shocked to death, seeing me walking in at 5 something in the morning… still drowsy with sleep and the daaru that had been the harbinger of the night…
Lazily, I crept into the bed, still wondering WTF must have happened the night before… but somehow that too was short lived as the daaru and drowsiness made head way into all that was going in my head, giving some more delectable respite from all that rut…
P.S.: next part to continue...
Monday, May 25, 2009
"Jaago Re"
some of the biggest skycrapers drape the skies of this city, home to arguably the biggest melee of people from every part of the country, abode of the numerous cinestars, the financial capital of India, the city where everyone comes to make it "BIG" in life (including MBAs like us), city of the Slumdog Millionaire, escape of some of the most notorious dons ever seen, and the head quarters of the biggest business houses... the aamchi Mumbai!!!
this city has never stopped to create an awe in the minds of the people and inspired a many villagers to come here in search of doing something worthwhile, away from the sleepy towns and villages that throng the very heart of India... but in all this melange we all somehow tend to lose our sense of belonging and the culture, that we inadvertantly carry, and get immersed in the huge sea of people that one sees incessantly climbing in and out of the local trains, BEST buses and the black and yellow "Padminis"...
we are very happy in losing our sense of individuality and the essesnce that makes us different from every other human being and embrace what is called as "selective indifference"... we pride ourselves in the fact that we mingle so very well in the crowd of millions that no one can tell the difference between an Executive in an MNC, a sportsman (lest he is a cricketer!!), a small time goon, a labourer from any god forbidden place in India, a doctor or a lawyer or whosoever he/ she maybe, some local tv model or an aam Mumbai Manoos...
for all this time that i have been in mumbvai, i have been trying to decipher the exact cause of this inherent indifference exhibited by all but in vain... however the most disturbing thing i witnessed on the roads and the trains that that of been gross ignorance of civility in the people here...
everyone around is in so much of a hurry; hurry to get to the office, hurry to get to the home, hurry to catch a movie or a date etc etc... that we have leisurely allowed us to forget all the good behaviours that we happend to learn in the school... some very basic has been giving respect to the other person around you...
you will see scores of women, elderly people and young children standing for hours together in a bus or a local train for that matter with the youngsters and males like us easily sitting and being a mute spectator to all happening around... at any instance they would not leave the opportunity to park their back sides on the comfortable seats little realizing that the person standing right next to you my need the place more than you do!! that the little kid hanging on his mother's arm may need to rest and take a breather more than anyone else around... or that the elderly man on the other end of the bus may actually be so tired that he could just about faint...
but then we all want our comforts, the luxuries in whatever small or big way... hesitant to give up the cosy seats for the discomfort of our legs... so, there it goes again...
the same cycle is repeated day in and day out in arguably every part of the city... and this is not the case with lesser educated and the labour class people... even very highly educated people; people who work in MNCs, public offices, eduactionists, lawyers, doctors etc etc too are a part of this whole system... and i kind of feel pathetic for highly educated people (many of whom are MBAs from some of the premier institutes of the country) following suit rather than set examples for others to follow...
such shoddy and downtrodden has become the mindset of ours that we believe in being a part of the whole rat race and winning it as well because we feel its the only way to get of the system and make a way for us in this brother-kill-brother market place... little do we realize that this is what we had pledged not to do some many years ago... we easily tend to forget and ignore all the times when similar cases had happened with us and our loved ones and how we had taken up the view to set some of these things right... but we forget the same when we are in the same situations that makes us take a stand...
i feel ashamed to say all this and even more to see this happen blatantly every single day of my life... but this is how things have become and there is a very little scope for improvement because like the way it has become, it is going to degrade from here and not improve any further...
i guess its time that something like a "Tata Tea's Jaagore" is rolled out to teach the people what basic civility means and how we have easily forgotten all about it... i think that instead of throwing labourers out of Maharashtra and trying to create a north-south political divide, our worthless politicians could stand up and take note of such acts that work towards greater human values and virtues...
ps: the above views are my personal and do not ascribe to any particular sect, region, religion, caste, sex or any such which can be mis-interpreted by all and sundry.
this city has never stopped to create an awe in the minds of the people and inspired a many villagers to come here in search of doing something worthwhile, away from the sleepy towns and villages that throng the very heart of India... but in all this melange we all somehow tend to lose our sense of belonging and the culture, that we inadvertantly carry, and get immersed in the huge sea of people that one sees incessantly climbing in and out of the local trains, BEST buses and the black and yellow "Padminis"...
we are very happy in losing our sense of individuality and the essesnce that makes us different from every other human being and embrace what is called as "selective indifference"... we pride ourselves in the fact that we mingle so very well in the crowd of millions that no one can tell the difference between an Executive in an MNC, a sportsman (lest he is a cricketer!!), a small time goon, a labourer from any god forbidden place in India, a doctor or a lawyer or whosoever he/ she maybe, some local tv model or an aam Mumbai Manoos...
for all this time that i have been in mumbvai, i have been trying to decipher the exact cause of this inherent indifference exhibited by all but in vain... however the most disturbing thing i witnessed on the roads and the trains that that of been gross ignorance of civility in the people here...
everyone around is in so much of a hurry; hurry to get to the office, hurry to get to the home, hurry to catch a movie or a date etc etc... that we have leisurely allowed us to forget all the good behaviours that we happend to learn in the school... some very basic has been giving respect to the other person around you...
you will see scores of women, elderly people and young children standing for hours together in a bus or a local train for that matter with the youngsters and males like us easily sitting and being a mute spectator to all happening around... at any instance they would not leave the opportunity to park their back sides on the comfortable seats little realizing that the person standing right next to you my need the place more than you do!! that the little kid hanging on his mother's arm may need to rest and take a breather more than anyone else around... or that the elderly man on the other end of the bus may actually be so tired that he could just about faint...
but then we all want our comforts, the luxuries in whatever small or big way... hesitant to give up the cosy seats for the discomfort of our legs... so, there it goes again...
the same cycle is repeated day in and day out in arguably every part of the city... and this is not the case with lesser educated and the labour class people... even very highly educated people; people who work in MNCs, public offices, eduactionists, lawyers, doctors etc etc too are a part of this whole system... and i kind of feel pathetic for highly educated people (many of whom are MBAs from some of the premier institutes of the country) following suit rather than set examples for others to follow...
such shoddy and downtrodden has become the mindset of ours that we believe in being a part of the whole rat race and winning it as well because we feel its the only way to get of the system and make a way for us in this brother-kill-brother market place... little do we realize that this is what we had pledged not to do some many years ago... we easily tend to forget and ignore all the times when similar cases had happened with us and our loved ones and how we had taken up the view to set some of these things right... but we forget the same when we are in the same situations that makes us take a stand...
i feel ashamed to say all this and even more to see this happen blatantly every single day of my life... but this is how things have become and there is a very little scope for improvement because like the way it has become, it is going to degrade from here and not improve any further...
i guess its time that something like a "Tata Tea's Jaagore" is rolled out to teach the people what basic civility means and how we have easily forgotten all about it... i think that instead of throwing labourers out of Maharashtra and trying to create a north-south political divide, our worthless politicians could stand up and take note of such acts that work towards greater human values and virtues...
ps: the above views are my personal and do not ascribe to any particular sect, region, religion, caste, sex or any such which can be mis-interpreted by all and sundry.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
...
just around the corner
in the middle of the pebbled street
atop the turning wind wheel
below the tolling church bell
in the deep recesses of your mind
right under the driving pin
saoring above the tallest building
swimming in the lonely ravine
in the middle of the pebbled street
atop the turning wind wheel
below the tolling church bell
in the deep recesses of your mind
right under the driving pin
saoring above the tallest building
swimming in the lonely ravine
The "Key"
I was looking for the key to the door
never realising the door was never so closed
it was a little ajar
the light couldn't pass through at all
I searched and searched and searched everywhere
found so many, none that I could use on my own
guess didn't see deep within
the light that flickered so strong
didn't know how I could connect
the glittery light and the shiny dots
then came You all along
the door opened on its own, did'nt need key anymore
I have been living a dream lately
a happy heart and a constant smile
some say there is a glow on my face
nothing but the reflection of your grace...
never realising the door was never so closed
it was a little ajar
the light couldn't pass through at all
I searched and searched and searched everywhere
found so many, none that I could use on my own
guess didn't see deep within
the light that flickered so strong
didn't know how I could connect
the glittery light and the shiny dots
then came You all along
the door opened on its own, did'nt need key anymore
I have been living a dream lately
a happy heart and a constant smile
some say there is a glow on my face
nothing but the reflection of your grace...
"Died"
am not the one to say
not the one to make it all feel so bad
none the lot things have happened
that have made everything this way
now I realise
all this has been not so great after all
what had been dreamt
seems so distant, washed and acerbic
not the fault of either but
but the fault lies within
we are not meant to be together
the differences in smallest things
now surface with a drop of impatiency
all the goodness has disappeared
leaving us out in the cold
to wither away like the castle of sand
rocked by the stern waves so strong
we have died, flown away has the spirit
with only skeleton present, I await the infinite...
not the one to make it all feel so bad
none the lot things have happened
that have made everything this way
now I realise
all this has been not so great after all
what had been dreamt
seems so distant, washed and acerbic
not the fault of either but
but the fault lies within
we are not meant to be together
the differences in smallest things
now surface with a drop of impatiency
all the goodness has disappeared
leaving us out in the cold
to wither away like the castle of sand
rocked by the stern waves so strong
we have died, flown away has the spirit
with only skeleton present, I await the infinite...
Alone
... the lights went out
dark and dank was the air
myriad sounds and quivering shriek
hollow in the heart
desolate were the eyes
making the presence was my dastardly soul
baring it all, it made me nude
vulnerable to all and lonely to the core
scared I am, scared to look
feelings all gone, numb in my brain
now I sit and collect my space
alone in the corner huddled like one
closed eyes with prayers on my tongue
wishing the time could pass
the night dark wither away so past...
till that happens
I am scared, scared to look
with a heavy heart
alone in my room...
dark and dank was the air
myriad sounds and quivering shriek
hollow in the heart
desolate were the eyes
making the presence was my dastardly soul
baring it all, it made me nude
vulnerable to all and lonely to the core
scared I am, scared to look
feelings all gone, numb in my brain
now I sit and collect my space
alone in the corner huddled like one
closed eyes with prayers on my tongue
wishing the time could pass
the night dark wither away so past...
till that happens
I am scared, scared to look
with a heavy heart
alone in my room...
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